My ACL Experience

This is going to be a really long post. Like super long, so I apologize in advance. It’s just that when I tore my ACL, I felt alone. I would search the internet for answers to my endless list of questions and never really found many answers. So, I thought I would share my experience with the world, in hopes that maybe someday someone who needs it will find this, and maybe find some answers they need.

First, I want to say that this happened my senior year. My last year of high school, my last year on a competitive dance team, my last year at home, my last year with my friends. It truly did ruin the entire year for me. I was so looking forward to my senior year being the best year of high school, and because of my ACL, among other reasons, it was not. One of the prime reasons that my ACL journey was really difficult was because of the way it happened. I am way to embarrassed to tell you how but trust me, it was the dumbest decision of my life, and I regret it more than anything I have ever done. A lot of people mock me, and make fun of me for the way I tore it and that also made it really difficult for me.

I danced on a torn ACL for a month. My knee kept giving out, which was excruciating, and I couldn’t straighten my knee all the way. I though I tore my meniscus and was expecting a quick two month recovery. I visited the doctor three times before getting the news that I tore my ACL, which just made me incredibly angry because I wasted precious time in those weeks my doctor misdiagnosed me.

I decided to wait until after homecoming to have my surgery because this was already ruining my whole year, and I wanted to be able to participate in my last homecoming week and dance. At the football game that night, I broke down on the sidelines watching my team preform without me. It felt like the most unfair thing in the world to me and it was so unbelievably painful for me to not be able to dance. I don’t think anyone will ever be able to understand that pain.

For weeks before, and even after my surgery I would break down and cry for hours feeling like nothing could stop the pain I was feeling in my heart. I know how selfish I sound right now and that there are people all over the world dying and hungry and my problem is nothing compared to that. But, in that moment, it truly felt like nothing would ever make me happy again.

My surgery went smoothly, I had completely torn my ACL, and partially torn my meniscus. When I woke up I was in a lot of pain but they quickly loaded me up with medicine and I felt a lot better. I got home and my leg was completely numb because of the nerve blocks so I assumed it wouldn’t be that bad. I had an ice machine, circulating ice to my leg constantly, and was on Percocet and oxytocin.

I was in bed, at home for a total of a week and a half. I. was. so. bored. I watched Netflix and youtube all day long. My friends came over but most of the time I didn’t want them to. A lot of times they would come over without asking which really upset me, but I didn’t show it. I know this also sounds selfish but I was in a lot of pain. Like a lot. And I needed to be alone.

Let me tell you, ACL surgery is no joke. It is not fun. It is so extremely painful in an achy way and I could not stand it. The Percocet was fine, it made me very woozy and light headed, but I didn’t become addicted at all which I read was a big concern about taking this drug after ACL surgery.

One day, after being literally stuck in my room, with no fresh air for a week, I began to feel claustrophobic. I had a panic attack I guess, and I knew I had to get out of there. I got out of bed for the first time in a week and I climbed the stairs on my crutches and went outside in my driveway. In hindsight, this was very dangerous because I could’ve fallen down the stairs and no-one was home but I really was sick of it. That was a pretty bad day for me.

Another terrible experience was weaning of the drugs. I got so so so so sick. I was throwing up and it was just a horrific experience, especially when you can barely move. I have vowed to never be in a situation where I need to take Percocet ever again.

The last really bad thing I can think of was the crutches, and the brace. I was on crutches for 7 weeks. I had crutches at school and had to walk up and down the stairs with them and everyone had to do everything for me. I hate crutches. And then the brace. This thing is huge, it covers your entire leg and just really sucks. Sleeping with it was horrible as well as the fact that I couldn’t bend my knee in it and it put a lot of pressure on the sensitive, swollen area of my knee.

Physical therapy was one of the bright sides of this whole experience. I loved my therapist and truly enjoyed going twice a week. It was nice to work towards being able to dance fully again and to be able to see results.

The last thing I will say about this because I know I’m rambling, is that you really find out who your true friends are when something like this happens. It was hard for me at first, but really nice to know who was really there for me.

I am still not done with my recovery, 9 months later, and don’t know when I will be confident enough to dance again fully. This experience has definitely taught me a lot and I am so grateful for the people who helped me and sent me words of encouragement throughout this long journey. Please, feel free to share your thoughts and experiences with me in the comments, or over email.


Seek Discomfort

Imagine all the time you waste sitting on your phone all day, longing for the lives of the people inside your screen instead of going out and creating that life for yourself. Imagine what  you could do if you stepped out of your comfort zone. Would you learn to play the piano? Would you go swim with sharks? Would you jump out of an airplane?

Seek discomfort is a movement started by Yes Theory, a group of guys who started a youtube channel to spread the seek discomfort movement. I began watching them a few months ago, and fell in love with what they do. They live their lives based on the premise that the times you step out of your comfort zone are the times your brain chemistry evolves, and you feel truly alive.

You must ask yourself this:

Are you living a life you would want to relive?

This got me thinking. All those times I avoided things because I was scared, would I have truly enjoyed them? So, I sat down, and added some things to my bucket list. Things I would have never done before because I was too afraid. I encourage you to do this as well. Maybe those things you have been avoiding will be the best times of your life.

I have been trying to live my life differently since watching these videos. I’m only 17, and I have my whole life ahead of me. I have been trying to read more, journal, jumping off waterfalls, hang out with my friends, meet new people, explore new places, starting this blog. I’m trying to create days that I would want to relive. Days that are filled with joy and fun and happiness.

I have a slight fear of heights, and of speaking to strangers. These are two things that I am working on. Maybe that stranger will be my new best friend, or the person that will take me on the adventure of a lifetime. Maybe jumping off that cliff will be the best feeling of my life, and maybe I will skydive and want to do it 10 more times.

It’s hard to find time to do everything you want to do. To go on adventures and travel the world. But my goal is to cross everything off my bucket list, to do a few crazy things in my lifetime, to inspire others. I want to end up at my dream job where I am not trapped and bored every day.

Starting this blog and making more youtube videos is something that I have never done because of fear. Fear of people judging me and mocking me. But, I have learned to not care what people think, and do things that I love and am passionate about.

In college I am going to strive to try new things every day, volunteer, take classes I am interested in, find my passion. I’m trying to live a life I would want to relive, and even stepping out of my comfort zone a little. And I challenge you to do the same.


Why Internships Are So Valuable

This past year, I had the opportunity to work in a company, at an internship. It was such a fantastic experience that I want to share with you why I decided to apply, what my responsibilities were, and why the internship was so valuable to me and my future.

Before telling you why I believe internships are so important, let me begin by telling you about my personal experience. I had an internship with a tutoring company that had helped me prepare for my ACT the previous year. The internship was available to all high school seniors that they had worked with the previous year, and there were three positions up for grabs. I ended up with the position of digital communications/educational programs assistant. Throughout my internship, I edited and rewrote my cover letter, communicated with clients, wrote blog posts, and made flyers and emails to send out.

Internships are a crucial piece of the puzzle when thinking about your future career and work. However, they are becoming more and more difficult to get, especially paid internships. However paid or unpaid, they are still wonderful experiences that are extremely valuable for the future. First off, they give you a taste of the career you are working in. It’s an opportunity for you to work in a company, trying out different future career possibilities. Second, if they’re paid, it’s a fantastic way to make money while gaining work experience. Which brings us to the third point, internships are amazing to add to your resume. They show that you have work ethic that can’t be shown through your grades, or clubs you participate in. It’s also an opportunity to become close with your employer, who could write you a fantastic letter of recommendation.

If you are on the fence about applying, or accepting an internship position, I say, go for it. Do your research and find the best fit for you, and you will have a wonderful experience in the workplace. You may even find your future employer, job, or career!



Being Addicted To My Phone

Ever since I was little, I have loved technology. I would always try to sneak as much TV and computer time as possible, and loved watching cartoons. When I received my first iPhone (in 8th grade), I became addicted. I loved all the social media apps, the games, and the freedom I had. To me, it was normal. All of my friends had iPhones and used them just as much, sometimes even more than I did.

Over the years, I would get in trouble for using it too much, for being on it at night, and for constantly being on my phone. This past year, I realized how much of my life I was wasting being on my phone all the time. Why was I so obsessed with what other people were posting and tweeting? I was wasting my time, when I could have been doing something fun or productive.

Smart phones are a huge problem in todays society. So many people rely on their phones and are glued to their screens all the time. I admit, scrolling through instagram is still a guilty pleasure of mine, but I do it a lot less than I used to.

Last spring, I deleted all social media from my phone. When I downloaded them back a few weeks later, I realized how I wasn’t really attached to them anymore. How I didn’t feel the need to check instagram and snapchat every two minutes. Now, I have the notifications turned off for all my social medias, and have deleted twitter.

The reason I deleted twitter is simple: I was using it as my main source of news and was getting all my information for what  was going on in the world from it. I have downloaded other news apps, and now spend 10 minutes reading the news every day instead.

I also am considering deleting my snapchat soon. I used to be obsessed with having streaks, and how many people viewed my story. Now, I barely check the app, and kind of think it’s a waste of my time.

Instead of being glued to my phone 24/7, I now have time to read, journal, and be productive. I get a lot more done. I still use my phone for texting and pictures, but I rely on it less for social media use. I highly recommend you turn your social media notifications off and see how much it affects your phone use.



The Start Of Something New

Hello friends! Welcome to my new blog. I’m pretty new at this, but very excited for the journey to come. In the past, I have attempted to start writing a blog multiple times, but never kept up with it and just got discouraged. However, the past year, I have had internships with three different companies in which one part of my work was to create/write a blog for the company. Yesterday, I decided to take initiative and try something new.

At first, this blog is kind of going to be all over the place. It’s mostly to help me on my journey throughout college, and my road to self discovery of what I want to do with my life in the future. I am going to be writing about my new experiences in college, my travels (current and past), and life in general.

If you are reading this, thank you so much for beginning this new journey with me. I also make youtube videos and am trying to really make higher quality videos and content on there too, so if you have some time, please check that out as well! (Youtube channel)

Anyways, sorry for rambling, and hopefully talk to you soon!

Processed with VSCO with c7 preset

Processed with VSCO with c7 preset